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Alright. I 've gone on far too much about that other stuff, and I just want to point out that having to take that side in the debate did make me fairly uncomfortable. It's just that some stuff, like the Joe Canadian rant, get under my skin and annoy me as too myoptic and childish, or just plain innacurate (do you really think many americans show up at the border with ski racks in July?) Anyhow, to remind you that I am in fact a patriot and would gladly throw down with anybody over the love of my country I would like to point out how i would make Canada in the perfect world.

  • peg population at around 30 million. Never have more, never have fewer.
  • make everyone work in forestry or mining for at least one summer during highschool.
  • spend as much money as it takes to make Canada the hockey superpower - both men's and women's.
  • only allow immigrants into the country who agree to open restaurants or supermarkets for their first generation in Canada. Base immigration on how many new Indian restaurants we need in Edmonton, noodle kiosks on Bay street, etc. limit most immigration to culinary superpwers - italy, china, thailand, india, pakistan, new orleans, japan, but for gods sake no more british. Small amounts from Eastern europe, northern africa and south america. Add extra points for families that bring cute daughters.
  • send Japan wood, jade and other precious stones. Get stereos, microwaves and motorbikes in exchange.
  • send Germany indian sculpture and pop stars. Get cars in exchange.
  • send France the Bloc and Parti Quebecois. Get five francs in exchange.
  • send Britain our obnoxious upper class, including anyone who graduated from Upper Canada College or any other private school. Get secret to making fish and chips, and good pop music in exchange.
  • send Ireland nitrates. Get whiskey and beer in exchange.
  • send rest of world potatoes and grain. Get whatever else we need in exchange.
  • send the US natural gas, oil and maple syrup. Get left alone in exchange.
  • don't drive cars in winter. Ice over all roads and skate everywhere.
  • have lacrosse games like the indians did, huge fields going on for days, no one has to work in mid-july, just play lacrosse.
  • make rocks the third national sport.
  • program to recouperate the bison, then infiltrate them into the states.
  • truly National Hockey league. every city with population over 50,000 gets a team.
  • Federal Leaders debate includes blind taste tests of Canadian beer. Whoever identifies the most brands correctly wins. anyone who claims Blue is the best loses automatically.
  • Federally mandated National Dinner diet, moving West to East:
    Monday: West Coast: pacific salmon, Japanese food, fresh produce, nice red wines, and marijuana brownies for dessert.
    Tuesday: Plains: lotsa beef. Followed by beef. Throw in various breads and cereals. Beer.
    Wednesday: Northen: Whale, seal, moose, fish.
    Thursday: Central Canadian: Chicken or beef, salad, fresh produce, apple desserts, beer.
    Friday: Golden Horseshoe: various ethnic dishes, mostly indian, chinese, italian. wine and beer.
    Saturday: Quebecois: Poutine. Sheppard's pie. Bacon and eggs side by each, eggs facing the sun. Malt liquor, beer in over-sized bottles.
    Sunday: East Coast: Fish, potatoes. Unbelievable amounts of liquor.

  • By Jim Vickers 10/31/2000, HTMLized by RWC